Wedding planning Spoonie Style - Pt 1

I get married in less than 2 months, to say im exicited and nervous is an understatement. However, hunting around the Internet for guides to organising a wedding, I'm struck as i often am, that very little information exists out there for a bride that might need to do things a little different and have needs that other brides don't..(I realise men get married too and LM is fully informed on all things..but when i talk colour scheme his eyes begin to glaze over)

Things you just wouldn't think of if you don't live with any kind of impairment, in my case a chronic illness that has the ability to strike at will and no amount of hoping or "resting" will prevent it.

I had to plan and think latterly with some things, this is just my guide to how Ive planned a big wedding for 86 Guests.

Once the excitement and gushing over the ring is over..in our case the engagement also included a little old lady with a dog* shouting at us for daring to stand on the side of a gorgeous Northumberland River (well LM was I was on a bridge overlooking said river) - it turned out later she had dementia and had decided on a wander unknown to her family..which did make it a little better but did somewhat take the shine off his proposal..

Budget - £3K - compared to many weddings its a pretty modest budget.

Finding a Venue

Given our budget we couldn't just turn up to the nearest stately home with rooms and say there you go petal organise it we had to think about stuff so we looked at

1. 3 place wedding (town hall, reception, close by hotel)
2. 2 place wedding (town hall, hotel for reception and sleeping)
3. 1 place wedding (all in hotel)

 A bit like Goldilocks we tried the 1st 2 ideas out for logistics and kept coming back to the simple fact trying to make sure I had enough energy to travel between 3 places, and not end up broken and in bed by the time dinner was served simply wasn't feasible.

I did try to pretend for a while it would be manageable as id found a lovely venue - but having a pretty venue that you fall in love with when the logistics don't work is simply adding pressure and the potential for ruining your day is huge.

Venue: Things to thinks about

• Layout - how far is it between rooms, will you have to walk a long way to get anywhere?
• How many steps does it have?
• How far away are the loos?
• If you use a wheelchair is it accessible?
• How close is your room to the reception?
• How willing are the staff to be flexible to timings?
• Is there a room with no music to retreat to?

after a bit of a panic after loosing out on a couple of venues, and trying to find the right date..we spread out net wider and found a lovely venue in an old coaching inn.

Good Points

• Its lovely with real character and charm as well as being well within budget 
• The reception area is close together no long spoon sapping  walks down long hotel corridors
• Its a ground floor venue - the ceremony room is next to the reception room that's next to loos no steps and enough space for Maude the wheelchair if i need it
• The bar area is attached to the reception space again no steps or long walks. 
• We have exclusive use of a downstairs bar so if the music is too much i can retreat but still be with guests
• The staff have been very flexible with our requests* 
• We have booked all the rooms the hotel has for our guests

Compromise Point
 I wont say negative as i don't think they are but unless you have a massive budget   you end up compromising somewhere

• No lift to our rooms - I can manage stairs but when tired that's a struggle..however with the help of LM its just another night of being helped to bed :)
• Tight on space at times so noise levels will hurt after a while - comes to my next point timings 

Yay you have found the perfect spoonie venue and now you can just get on and plan. It's all plain sailing,  you just need to find a dress marry your loved one and its easy right?

Sadly no not really, although its been fun planning and I'm sure I'm not different to many other brides to have to think round things but this is a big fat spoonie wedding.we have to add in nap time and think about how to manage a  whole day of talking, standing, laughing and generally being sociable with lots of people when my usual day is me my lap top and I, and even when i am out more than 5 people and a couple of hours can leave me so exhausted LM gives me the look and decides its time to go home eeeppp!!!

The 5 P's of planning

Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.. there is another version but I'm be being a lady dontcha know. In other words be honest with yourself, and if you cant be make sure you have best women like mine that between them declare...

"Now who is going to manage Beth on the day" - lol i was both amused and  apart of me was saying but but but i will im a growd up..however im also a spoonie and think i can do all this stuff when i cant.

Ive realised this has turned into an epic blog and ive got as far as the venue..so perhaps this will be a series of blogs over the next week

 Episode 2 will see the bride work out the timings for the big day and find a dress
 Episode 3 will see LM worrying about how the bride will get through the day..Gin of course!


* LM pointed out that i needed a comma as it looks like the dog was shouting at us rather than the old lady..but for comedic value ive left it alone

Modern day witch hunts

"Freedom of speech is not a white flag to get out of being responsible for one's words"

How very true, I am both saddened and angry about the increase in Internet "trolling" the minute a story is published in any paper from the Daily Mail to the Guardian. About the hardship and difficulties people are facing in the name of Austerity, a little bit of hope dies as the trolls come like a pack of dogs at the smell of blood.

Internet Trolls are not new and this blog post isn't about them per se, but about how the "we are all in it together" mantra, spouted by David Cameron and his coalition government is far more than a sound bite slogan. It is clever spin and places everyone of us in an impossible position of not being able to say hang on this isn't right.

The reality is we make decisions about what is important when it comes to spending our money, we all do it from a small child holding their grubby 10 pence deciding on what penny chews to buy*  to the government with its much larger penny clutched in its exceedingly grubby hand.
The truth is if i asked you to list in order of priorities would you choose to spend

£20 Billion yes that's BILLION pounds on Nuclear submarines* or would you use that money to make sure families with disabled children could have access to the equipment they need to have a quality of life and not go into debt?

You see its not that the penny jar is totally empty, the government has decided what it thinks is important. Its still spending money but with clever spin and the way stories are presents, people don't hear about all the other things it is buying from Nuclear Subs to millions of pounds on research companies 

I know what i choose - and that's the rub the government have been dishonest we all know that yet we cant argue about the need for some reform and some cuts and everyone will lobby for their own particular cause.

But when you read the comments on these stories, the bigoted hate filled rants, about benefit scroungers, how dare they talk about having to cut more when we are all being hit and in this together i am reminded just how well the government have spun it how we are in a state of such fear and anger bordering on mass hysteria we step ever closer to a modern day witch trial. 

Think I'm wrong look back at every time in history where poverty, fear, recession and desperation lead to a time of retribution, neighbour versus neighbour pointing the finger so those self same neighbours don't turn on them.

The Pendle Witch Trials
The English Civil War
The French Revolution
The Russian Revolution

will we look back at Age of Austerity and think how could civilised people sit at computers and suggest children should be put in homes, how just because they have less everyone should have less, where people are frightened and scared and those with blinkered views are encouraged  safe in the knowledge its supported however veiled by of one of the most  morally corrupt and oppressive governments this country has ever seen.

Would people say this to the faces of others, i doubt it but if we who believe in a fair society that is about supporting those in need, and not moralising and subjecting vulnerable people to such hate do not challenge and stand up and counter them then we are a poorer society for it.

You might think this doesn't affect you and you carry on with life and choose to say and do nothing. That just keeping your families safe and as long as it doesn't come to your door then its someone elses problem. They say the heart and soul of a society can be seen by the way it treats the sick and poor...
In this age of austerity its a very black heart indeed.

*Im a 70's kid i remember pennie chews

* News about nuclear submarines budget

"Are you thick or what"?

desperately trying to write as fast as i could to beat the blackboard is an abiding memory for me - no matter how hard i tried i never managed it. I would spend my time in class lost and bewildered hoping the teacher didnt ask me a question.

Miss Foot's class was ok that was for children like me the the slow ones, the ones who couldnt keep up in class. I finally managed to conquer my tens times table there - it took such a long time to understand that 2 x 4 wasnt 6

Even Now just typing this fills me with a sense of shame that I couldn't learn like other children that I was too thick to learn. I would feel so overwhelemed and demoralised when once again my work was lost in a sea of sngry red pen.

Even now 30 years later the cringing misery when my grammar and spelling is corrected, I make a joke of it and say oh im dyxlexic while inside that voice says "are you thick or what"?
I want to say NO im not i clever I am - look at me I have something to say its important. But the memories of the taunts and the sound of that blackboard being moved before ive finshined coping fromt he board haunt me.

Im not sure what promted this post today - perhaps its the feeling that no matter how hard i try, I will always feel slightly excluded unable to articulate my thoughts and that sense of being inferior and not quite intelligent enough to belong with  the clever kids eats away and saps my confidence...

Its my issue i know that, in the 70's there wasnt a test for it you were labelled slow and if you were unlucky put in the class with the other slow kids. The kids whose work was never chosen to be displayed on the walls, the kids other kids teased and picked on...

and now all these years alter just as we thought we had turned a corner a whole other generation will be in my position - the govenrment calls it progress lets target our rescources ont he children who need it most. Kids like me the slow the learn ones, the cant spell for toffee ones will get thrown away like yesterdays news, left behind trying to copy it down before the blackboard moves.

Is it psychosomatic then?

Today is Fibromyalgia and M.E/CFS awareness day, the day when the people who live with and charities who support try to raise awareness and inform people about these conditions. 

M.E Association 

Uk Fibromyalgia    

FMA uk 

Today’s post is dedicated to every person who has had a close family member suggest in some way that quite frankly my dear its all in your head. That somehow this debilitating, fluctuating and sometimes progressive illness is just a figment of your imagination and you are an attention seeking lay about who enjoys lying in bed watching Jeremy Kyle whilst eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

We as in the collective society of individuals use language in a way that almost

predisposes us to see things as a battle and if we show any sign of weakness or giving in we somehow have failed. Add a complex condition thrown in with no obvious blood test or physical sign to point to its gets more difficult. People seem to want to “see” something to believe it’s true.

It strikes me we (I'm as guilty of this too) play things down, hide what’s going on, will struggle on to the point of crisis why?

Is in part that as a society we pride independence and value people who over come adversity, our news papers are full of plucky fighters, battling on winning against the odds to defeat their illness and climb the highest peaks, work through the pain carry on, never letting their illness defeat them.

Why on earth do we as people living with these illnesses buy into this crap, who on earth are we protecting?

We want to raise awareness, face book, blogs, twitter, our jumpers will be full of yellow ribbons with black spots on for FMS, Blue for M.E we will spend a day lifting the lid on, exposing the truth and not hiding it for 1 day the other 264 we will say

“Oh I'm just a bit tired” or “Im fine ya know” or even “a bit spoon less” as if that means anything really. We think people won’t want to hear, they will get bored, it’s chronic so we won’t get a bunch of flowers and the get well soon cards will be faded and forgotten because we won’t get better.

So what how could today change things for the people so ill, frightened and in some cases like the young woman in Denmark threatened with being committed to an asylum on the grounds of insanity for daring to have M.E

We can only change ourselves and start being truthful, I don’t mean we moan and whinge every five minutes but we stop playing the dam game. “I must carry on and do everything I did before in public while sobbing and seeking support in private one”

 Today for me is about not only reaching out to others but to learning to draw a line and educate myself and other people – if you really want to raise awareness today then change one thing – make a decision to draw the line under dismissing your own illness and passing it off as “Just a bit tired” tell the truth. I know it’s hard, and you want to show the world your best face, because like I said recently you can cling to the idea of one day you will recover and pick up your life as it was.

If you know someone who says I thought I might run a marathon and raise money for charity ask them to run for M.E or Fibromyalgia to research it better and find a cure.

Have a card with a link on it and when people ask give it to them to go read up

Seek some help if you are stuck in a cycle of boom and bust where you push yourself to do too much and then wonder why you make your symptoms worse.

But above all change your language, catch yourself when you say things about not giving in, only asking for help in a crisis, that somehow equating living with an illness that by its nature is unpredictable is just an obstacle in your path and if you battle it will somehow make it surmountable.

Perhaps if we all put a little less pressure on ourselves to be heroic, to cram so much into our life we never pause and don’t praise the other just as important qualities in people we will forever be stuck in the ridiculous circle of battling or Giving on what’s wrong with saying NO – this is my life is sometimes good, sometimes bad and I make the best of it.

We don’t because we fear being judged, left alone or abandoned and above all we try to live up to some imaginary standard that those closest to us feel it’s ok to make us feel bad about ourselves. The truth is people only have that power when we give it to them. Take your power back and learn to use it for yourself.

It isn’t easy changing yourself or learning to do things differently, and saying No, or accepting or even saying to other people hang on you don’t have that right to say that to me. But it is possible so do one thing today if you have

M.E or Fibromyalgia tell the truth and challenge you over one thing do it differently – stop yourself from perpetuating the myth it’s just a little bit of tiredness. Be honest not only with others but yourself. Superman and wonder woman are fictional characters for a  reason.

If you know someone with it – hey your reading my blog so you do  follow a link at the top of the page and read up, think about how you say things and do you think in terms of battling on or giving up? 

Dont feel sorry for me, but please if you hear others around you talking like it then challendge them too. I dont mean strangers in the street, but friends, loved ones. think about your langiage and how you use it. 

Why have I talked about language – simply language is powerful and if we continue to use it to diminish and belittle our illnesses into nothing very much how on earth can we expect anyone else to change their opinion and view point.

Change comes from within – change you and you change the world around you 

 

Blue Badge Vigilante's

Today is Blog Against Disablism Day - this is my first attempt at blogging about it, we officially don't accept Racism in this country, there are recent incident of people being arrested for tweeting racist hateful comments, or posting on facebook. But I haven't seen any high profile arrests for similar incidents of hate crime against sick and disabled people.

I'm struck that for many many people me included the fear of being targeted is real and sadly for many its a reality. Especially living with an invisible illness - before i had to use a stick full time i was tutted at and often ignored if i asked to sit in the disabled seats on buses - I was once asked why?

Explaining i couldn't stand up and needed it only elicited scorn and i was so embarrassed i wanted to curl up and cry. No one helped and everyone looked away. It seems so many look away and don't stand up for others, I notice now I do use a stick its easier like i have a badge "see look at me the flowery stick user I'm legit now"

So how did we end up in this state of affairs, hate crime has increased 100,000 disabled people were victims in 2009/10 I found this very helpful video talking about it Disability Hate Crime I don't have time to go into all the whys and wherefores of why this has increased,  the report i read yesterday commissioned by the MS society Fighting Back - Ms Society Report  can perhaps point to one of the many reasons.

One of the saddest and most shocking stat is that 1 in 4 (24%) think disabled people exaggerate their symptoms. I really shouldn't be shocked anymore - but I am. Disablism is alive and well in our modern tolerant society. The report also says that even people aware of MS have similar attitudes

So what has this got to do with a Blue Badge* and an invisible Illness, lots as it happens. I am seeing more and more anecdotal evidence of people fired up about protecting disabled parking spaces for the "real" disabled people* 

You could say its misguided they think they are doing a good thing, yet show such a pathetic lack of understanding and out dated attitudes of what constitutes disability all they are doing at best is isolating people further and at worst perpetuating the myth that you are only disabled if you use a wheelchair and are paralysed in someway. Everyone else it seems is exaggerating and lying.

I wish I could say I'm shocked but I'm not anymore. The fear this kind of behaviours generates is palpable, I only breath a sigh of relief when LM gets my wheelchair out like its a symbol of "see I am disabled and need it" how bloody appalling is that.

I wish I had lots of quotes from people hassled, spat at, pushed, shoved, verbally abused for daring to use a Blue Badge and parking legitimately in a parking spot. Yet this go unchallenged, aided and abetted by society the don't look, don't say culture of not stepping in to protect others is a sad indictment of us.

 "on the way home I popped in to get my little 83 year old friends shopping list and was met on return to my car by a very obnoxious man.. long story but once again - you don't look disabled came into conversation.. this really upset me"

"I have MS and I am 42 sadly I dont look disabled ( well I dont have a wheelchair!) and get shouted at quite a lot! even had an old fella standing in the disabled bay I was trying to park in shouting that I couldnt park there! and recently on leaving asda ( I quite often take my son in his wheelchair there after school!) the girl asked me if I had a parking ticket to be refunded, I said no and she glared at me and told me in no uncertain terms how disgusted she was with my for using his badge! I wasnt it was my badge in the car his is in the kitchen cupboard! dont think she belived me and to be honest sick of having to defend myself from every expert who dont know a thing!"

2 quotes from people with invisible illnesses 

Assumptions are dangerous and make an ass of us - I have learnt to ask for help and 90% of the time i am treated with courtesy and help. There is a vast spectrum of what it means to be disabled or impaired, or sick or struggling or what ever term you choose to use.

Even on here i worry about what to say am I chronically sick? or because my illness will never go away and this half life is as good as it gets am I now disabled? i don't know and perhaps that's some of the problem.
If we don't educate and challenge ourselves and people we know about our illnesses and watch what we say how on earth are we ever going to educate anyone else.

Disablism is both a problem for us and our problem, we are members of society yet I know I'm as guilty as anyone of making assumptions and judgements of people I know nothing about. are you?

*Blue Badge is only awarded to people who either have High Rate Mobility and therefore cant mobilise (walk) more than 50 metres either at all or without severe discomfort and pain or now have a medical to see if they met the criteria.

*Real Disabled people - I have no idea what one is but its something i see all to often from the government to people shouting at vulnerable people in car parks

Sex: A Sick Mans Perspective

 Guest Blog by Mr O

Thank you to Mr O for being my first ever guest blogger, the second blog in what is rapidly turning into a series. I hope you find it as interesting as I have – it raises questions about how we see sexuality by that I mean as a man the notion of masculinity and how that is impacted when chronically sick or disabled.

First things first, I need to clarify two issues here. First, the title. Every time I read it, the thought of a sexual deviant, a dirty perv springs to mind. "A Sick Man" doesn't mean I like wearing washing up gloves, it means I am sick, as in poorly.

Secondly, like Fibrogirl I have an "Invisible Illness" but where she has her Fibromyalgia, I have ME, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (because I can never spell the ACTUAL name without Google)

 "Lets Talk About Sex" got me thinking that, from a sick woman’s perspective, things are not too dissimilar to that of a mans. However, things are different enough to warrant a post of its own.

A little about me: I am a 30-something man that has only recently been diagnosed with ME, but I have been ill for 12 years. The last two years have seen a marked decline in my health, and that in itself has had a knock-on affect in all aspects of my life.

My partner and I started dating four years ago, and she was aware of my medical issues then, even before we started dating. I have always been open and honest about my illness.

Sexually, we have always been quite active, but it has always been on the whim of my body (and I am talking pain levels and energy levels, nothing else!) and, being a man, there are certain things that are almost "expected", if even in a gender-specific role, determined by society.

Like Fgirl, the questions are, How do you manage to have a fun sex life when you:

A: Feel like shit most of the time,

B: Have lost your confidence,

C: Feel like no one will ever fancy you again,

D: Feel depressed, fed up, angry, ugly, and/or unattractive

While I can't speak for ALL men, these things apply to me. If walking up and down stairs is a mission, how can I expect to perform in the bedroom?

How can I expect to ACT in an alluring manner, when I look at myself and think "Ugh, really?"

Us men have confidence issues too, and can feel unattractive and ugly. And if I don't feel "sexy" then how can I be expected to get my partner in the mood, let alone enjoy myself. Now compound this will an illness that leaves you in agony, or unable to move properly, or incapable of summing up the energy to stand up..

Like every Agony Aunt in the world has ever said, the main things you need for a fulfilling sex life is time, compassion, understanding, and trust. While this is true for ANY loving relationship, I believe it is more important for those of us with medical issues.

My partner is hugely understanding, very compassionate, and does everything she can to help me out. If we are both in the mood, but I am in too much pain, we will still make love, but it is more her taking control, reading me and my body to pleasure the pair of us. If my pain levels are bearable, then it becomes a case of dealing with the energy levels... Sure, it'd be GREAT to be able to go constantly, all night long, but I know that is not the case with me.

From the "Social" aspect - and I will add now, a view I whole-heartedly think is crap - the man is supposed to be the dominate one in the bedroom, the man is supposed to take the lead, do things his way, and eventually brag to his mates in the pub the following evening.

When you struggle to wash yourself some days, clearly most of that goes out the window. When I am feeling good, I CAN be dominant, I CAN take the lead in the bedroom, and generally when I am feeling semi-normal, that is the case - but if my partner wants to do so, then so be it. However, when my body is not playing fair, she HAS to take over, she HAS to lead and do what she wants to do to me. Pain can take over your sex life, and the act of thrusting in and out - slowly or quickly - can soon get to the point of being too painful to carry on. Energy levels play a similar role, and while I would love to be able to have multi-hour-sex-marathons, the sad reality is my body gives up before getting to the half-marathon point.

I've never been a "Jump On, Have My Way, Jump Off" sort of man, and am actually more than happy for my partner to be satisfied, and be too exhausted to do anything else. Job Well Done, I would say! But as Beth said, the rush of endorphins that come with climax do something to the chemistry of the body that make you feel so good - better than any medication ever can... But there's no way I'd just have sex to reach that point.

We can't "plan" to have sex, not ever. If I am in TOO much pain, or am falling asleep trying to get up the stairs, then generally, we don't do anything. If my body is playing in ANY form though, then it's a case of doing it as per my body.

But, it is difficult, especially if the four points up there are not taken into account... Confidence is the key to everything, and if I feel like a crap lover, am miserable because I've had a hard day, or am feeling very Anti-Me and Angry at how my body is (or is not) functioning, then it does ruin the experience. And of course, a lot of men have issues *ahem* rising to the occasion if they are having any problems with their self-confidence, and this in turn can snowball out of control if they have medical issues.

I am lucky in that I have a very understanding partner, that is willing to take control when I can't.

There is little, if any, useful advice on the internet about people with invisible illnesses enjoying a full sex life, and it's something that needs to change. I am sure there are other men in the same boat as me, and if I can help or offer advice, then so be it.

There will be more posts, I am sure of it :)

Lets talk about sex

Many years ago I went to a story telling event, the adults only evening was packed..the story teller came on and said Sex Sells  in a chocolaty velvety voice that made me a puddle of desire (I'm a sucker for a sexy voice) we all laughed a little embarrassed like we had been caught doing something naughty.

I'm often surprised that the notion of sex is still a subject we talk about in whispers, its better than it was when i was growing up, but given some of the comments made on twitter a couple of weeks ago when the This Morning programme looked at sex for the over 70's we haven't moved that far sadly..sex still seems to be the territory for the slim young things able to partake in the most energetic of sexploits. We can think taboos have been broken. Have they?

How do you think people would react if the same programme did a piece with two disabled people dressed in PJ's on a bed showing the top 5 sex positions?

Talk about disabled people having sex and suddenly we are in a whole different ball game, the very idea that all of us even the most profoundly disabled, have sexual desire and are able to be aroused is almost no go territory. I'm not as well versed nor able to write as eloquently as other people about this, although i would love to.

 I have always believed good quality non judgemental information is a must for everyone who wants it. That doest wax lyrical about a loving relationship but actually discusses the how not the just the what. I can only talk from my perspective - getting sick in your adult life takes some getting used to. the kind of sex i had before i was ill, is different to how i have it now.

I looked all over the Internet for advice, i even bought a book, to be honest it was rubbish it didn't tell me anything other than be open, talk and laugh together. gee thanks! !!

 I have been intending to write this blog for weeks, in particular in the light of the Channel 4 series UnDateables. It raised many observations for me and questions

Dating or being in a relationship is hard enough but how to do it when you are no longer "fit"?
How to balance having a healthy sexual relationship and be cared for?
What is the best position?
How do you manage to have a fun sex life when you feel:
A: like shit most of the time
B: Have lost your confidence
C: Like no one will ever fancy you again
D: depressed, fed up, angry, ugly, unattractive (delete or tick the ones that apply)

I'm not sure i have the answers myself but I'm at least willing to blog about it, I will write in more detail and take each of the questions in turn.  However as my mum might read this and my poor LM will die of embarrassment heck my best friends read this I wont be giving you a blow by blow account of my sexploits sorry sex might sell but I want to inform not write porn..(well not in this blog anyway)

To be blunt there is very little decent information out there about the practicalities, what sex toys are good when your hands don't work very well, position of the week or how to find sexy underwear when you cant pull your own knickers up.

Sex starts with you, our minds are the biggest and best sex organs we have. If you don't feel sexy and desirable then how on earth can you hope anyone else does. I can almost hear you saying but that's easy to say hard to do. Of course it is.

Fact I'm over weight, short, grey, I have hairy legs and a bush that birds could nest in (I not safe with a fruit knife so razor near my vagina is not an option) I have stretch marks on top of stretch marks, I'm chronically sick, often too knackered to even think about it and i have a hip prone to giving out at the point of shouting hell yes...so quite frankly I'm not exactly the in the Samantha Brick School of Beauty..

However I like sex, hell i adore sex..on my own or with LM its great - post coital endorphins are wonderful (even if an hour later i feel like crap my body doesn't distinguish between good adrenalin and bad)

So how did i manage to get myself LM when i was poor, fat, almost 40, single parent and sick - im not sure other than I was Me - funny, sweet, nice, flirty (lost on him) in others words he fell for me..I didn't sit there bemoaning my fate I met him with honestly and a kick ass cleavage.

I cant do this topic justice today in one blog - but i will over the next few weeks attempt to write about having a sex life and even if your single how to think about dating if you want or at least how to find a good sex toy if you have never bought or used one before.

I am willing to go where others may not have been brave or foolhardy enough to go before...look away now mum :)