5 different Care workers on 5 different visits #Dignity

Imagine this, you open the door to a complete stranger, they say hello. Slightly bashful and coy, you invite them upstairs, explaining just how you like it as you go, slowly peeling off your pj's, the ones with the coffee stain and some unidentified yellow substance that might be vom. You look away coyly as they go to help you, brushing your skin with their rubber gloved hands..

Stuttering, you explain hair first, then you can do your front but can they do your back. This stranger you met such a few short minutes ago begins to wash your hair as you sit passively, trying desperately to find some inane small talk to get over the embarrassment you feel at having this stranger wash you because you can't.

This isn't some sexy stranger 50 shades of grey sex romp it's the reality for many people who, like me, have social services funded care.

The first time is always the worst but once you get to know them and they you, and if they are bright and chatty, you eventually get over the "oh God I'm naked and I don't know you" bit.

BUT

Imagine if every care visit is like the first time, that you don't always know who will come to your door, that like me you might have five different carers in five visits. Is this OK? Is this what care is?

I can't always verbally explain what I need, sometimes I feel so god awful, brain fogged and sore i don't want to have to explain, or have to tell yet another stranger about my illness or have them look at me and try to hide the obvious "but you don't look sick" thought as it crosses their mind.

We talk a lot about dignity and affording care,but when profit is put before care, when the Care coordinators forget there is a human being on the receiving end of their rota decisions, people like me have just another tiny bit of their humanity stripped away.

I mean would you want to get naked in front of a stranger and let them touch you intimately?

I accept i need it.
I accept someone has to help me.

But I don't accept that it should be OK and when I raise the issue with the agency I'm met with promises to change it. It should never be ok in the first place.

Good Social Care - Makes the difference

I have been a little absent over the last few months, in part it was heeding the red flags of depression but more recently it was having the chance to get out and live a little.

A few things came together at once for me, all positive and while im typing this at 7.45am - feeling like death warmed up, half dreading the thought of heading into London to attend a training session for an exciting venture later in September - The fact im even able to do this trip at all is significant for me.

After 3 very long years of learning to cope and progressively getting worse, I was assessed in February by my Adult Social Care department about needing some more support. LM is amazing and i wouldn't manage now without him, but working full time and doing 80% of the household chores and support me is a tall order.

I dont want it to be that way, but it is and we cope. My lovely social worker, listened, didnt judge and understood. This for someone with an invisible illness that is used to being dismissed, ignored and generally told get a grip your not that bad was a revelation.

I get 3 x half hour visits a week from lovely carers, the agency itself is a bit rubbish but the carers are fab. That little but of extra support has taken me from struggling to coping, leaving me a bit more puff to manage other things.

At my review, we talked about how much i wanted to volunteer and get out more, but knowing i couldn't commit to a regular thing - I just cant sustain that level of activity or be reliable enough, I talked about my hopes to be part of the New Local Healthwatch and make a difference but within my limited capabilities, and how i wanted to just go out sometimes - in short have a bit of a bit of an independent life.

Blow me if lovely social worker didnt say ok how about 5 hours a week, maybe more if you need them - for a PA (Personal assistant) to support you to do stuff. Wow :) Id heard all the horror stories of people struggling to get stuff - and had that moment of should i really accept it.

It took a while, but eventually I got my fantastic PA - Miss S, she is bright, adaptable, friendly and its just easy. She is booked to come with me today, so while im dreading it, i know I can do it because she will be there and make sure im ok.

having her means not only did I get involved in Health Watch, I was appointed as chair if my local one. They know Im sick, understand I cant always manage to be here there and everywhere, we do lots by email, its flexible and I can bring my skills and knowledge into play but in little bursts of stuff rather than push myself too hard.

Some stuff has had to be dropped for a while, ive taken a massive step back from actively campaigning - but rather than a national focus, its a local one - being chair means I am in a unique position to really challenge services, especially ones aimed at sick and disabled people, after all I know dam well how it feels to get bad care, to be dismissed and isolated.

The Social Care bill is winging its way through the Lords and Parliament, the 2 biggest things we need to ensure is right is eligibility and portability. In other words its a myth (I wish I had some stats) that all social care bills are for 10's of £££££ a year many are like mine less than £6000 and is the difference between living and existing.

We need to campaign hard to get the national eligibility criteria to be set at moderate not substantial needs - or many many 1000's of us will disappear back to the shadows.

Ita another fight in a big list of fights - If i could encourage you to do one thing get involved in your healthwatch its there to be the independent voice of the consumers of health and social care - it has some statutory powers to make a difference. if lots of us get in there and lobby and work at a local level, we could seriously make a difference and we might just end up with a Social Care system fit for purpose..ours not theirs. So much emphasis is on the elderly (thats ok) but working age disabled people like me need support too....Healthwatch is also about health services.

you can find your loacal Healthwatch via here http://www.healthwatch.co.uk/

Update:

I started this blog weeks ago - but like many things I got sidetracked and havent had chance to come back to this. The exciting training I was off to, was the Party Conference Training for activists - Im being supported by Leonard Cheshire to go to the Tory Conference and lobby on Social Care. I will blog soon about the specifics. 

ATOS convenient Fall guys for the DWP

For those who read my blog but don't know what a WCA is - its a work capability asessment, something carried out to assess a sick and disabled persons ability to function in a "work situation" it is a flawed test that has no resemblance to a real world situation at all.

The WCA is carried out by a private contractor called ATOS that in many ways quite rightly has come in for stick - as many of the reports they produce are badly written, flawed and are produced for the DWP decisions makers ( the people making the decision as your suitability for work or not)

Yesterday it was announced that ATOS were producing poor quality reports and the government had decided to bring in new providers. Twitter and other social media erupted with yay we have won, ATOS are terrible they are to blame for all the appeals, deaths etc
Guardian Article

Really are they?

ATOS have stuff to answer for BUT its the test that is flawed not the company carrying it out. we could have 20 new assessors but the test remains the same, the way the training is done remains the same the norms (or rules of thumb) remain the same. this is a classic DWP trick - ATOS are now the fall guys, so DWP say oh we will bring in new providers - MPS and the press say oh look government forced to listen - go away and i really hope im wrong - with the no money while you appeal clause & new providers - appeals go down gov says see it was all atos's fault meanwhile we are still screwed over with a flawed test. the real culprit here is DWP not atos

" ATOS practices are awful, but it is the DWP who devised WCA, its them who approve the LIMA system in which Atos HCP use to assess us with, and it is the product of the HCP and LIMA system that make the report grossly inaccurate. More so, the report only gives a snapshot of a person's condition, and I've seen a fair few to know how appalling they are, especially for people with fluctuating and complex conditions.. Atos, in theory don't make the final decision that is DWP Decision makers, it is the DWP who allows the DM to give credence to the HCP report above all other medical evidence.

It is interesting that Mark Hoban is announcing this a week after the debate of impact assessment in the commons, where he was blasted for not meeting with Labour MPs and not taking the damning reports of Atos practices seriously

The WCA is unfit for purpose, that's what needs to be changed/scrapped not to bring in other providers or make it more different more people to appeal"

S.Rogers - Volunteer Benefits Advisor (very knowledegle woman)

 you can read many blogs about this and to my mind the process needs to be sorted, it doesn't matter who carries out the assessment if the policy is badly designed it will still produce bad results.

we have a long way to go to get a fit for purpose Sickness/Disability Benefit(ESA)

1. The god awful idea of no money while you ask for a mandatory reconsideration of the decision will cause no end of problems and leave many destitute - the government have purposely set out to entrap people with the "oh you can claim JSA" while you are waiting- to claim JSA you have to sign a job seekers agreement that you are fit for work and seeking full time employment 
mandatory reconsideration factsheet: disability rights UK 

The government has refused to set a time period for the mandatory reconsideration - meaning it could take months - we are after all seeing appeals taking up to 12 months to be heard.

By pulling this stunt even with special conditions attached to a job seekers agreement it means people too sick to work will be forced to seek work, or face sanctions - if we think its a mess now wait for that one to kick in. Only when the decision has been reconsidered can someone be placed on the ESA basic rate of they decide to appeal after that.

2. The Harrington review recommendations need to be implemented in full

3. A real world test needs to be put in place not the nonsense of can you lift an empty cardboard box
go back to the drawing board - extend the length of time to get evidence from 4 weeks to 12. Place as much importance on medical, social care and other sources of info as a 20 minute asessment with a complete strangers who might know nothing about your condition.

4. Continue the pressure and dont think oh well ATOs are toast so we can all relax- The options for other providers are few and far between I can only think of 4

Capita
G4S
Serco
Health service*8

** As someone with a invisible illness derided, ignored, unsupported in the main by healthcare professionals who often think its all in my head -  this idea fills me with dread. I will come back to why another time. 

so its comes back to its not about who delivers the assessments - to be honest we could have a service run by disabled people and we would still have a flawed test - there is a saying follow the ball not the plyer. in this case the Ball is the test the player is ATOS. we are so focused on the player..we cant see that the ball will remain the same.

The DWP are banking on a reduction in appeals from October not because the test has improved but because only the most determind or people with partners or a little bit in savings will persisit with reconsiderations and appeals. The rest will have no option but to allow themselves to be entrapped** and claim JSA and face the music or be destitute - its not a choice id like to make.

**Im no legal eagle but is this even legal to sign something knowing it to be false???

Depression: Heeding the red flags..

I haven't blogged personally for a while,

In part because I have been doing a lot, and this has inevitably caused a bit of a crash - mentally more than physically. I always know when I feeling a little under pressure, or when I'm not coping with things when i start to take lots of things personally, or I get very emotional about stuff. The final red flag for me is when my eating gets out of control, not terribly but when I'm making bad food choices, and hiding the evidence then its a time to step back.

No one thing has set me off, and often with depression there is no one thing, when  you have lived with depression for as long as I have you get to know it. I simply have to trust that it will ebb and flow and and sometimes it dominates my life in a way i don't want it to. The moment my red flags go up, then I have to stop, retreat and regroup. Give myself permission to stop!

I have a few emails to send and work out what I can and cannot take on. One of those things for now is campaigning, I simply cannot manage it in the way i have been for 18 months almost non stop - Likewise twitter was beginning to be very toxic for me. Nothing anyone had done, but for me it was skewing my head space and i was out of kilter with it that i was making poor judgements. Time away with LM and my recognition over the last 2 weeks has meant that my depression is dominating me,  has allowed me to step back.

When the safety fuse blows I usually get destructive, but not so much this time other than going a little AWOL..I have been sewing, easy machine stitching but it has made me happy and allowed me some space to just do.Find a bit of balance and calm my brain down and go with the flow.

Im not sure i have got any more insights except I want to

• Stop pushing myself to find a sense of purpose and belonging - this is not new for me but has become more pronounced since getting sick
• Recognise the fear and a sense of loss - I try and live in a place of acceptance but if im brutally truthful I may never truly stay there - Im not sure anyone with  a chronic illness ever really reaches acceptance totally. 
• Have a plan - there are 3 things I really want to do - I want to incorporate them into my limited capacity and that needs some honesty. 
• Be a little less hard on myself

But the biggest one of all is to stop apologising for myself. That is probably my biggest work in progress.

This week is carers week - I say thank you to LM all the time but its a big shout out to him. 

I make many promises to myself, but for once im not going to, except one - to be kind to me.

I have many exciting things to look forward to, from a volunteer role with a health and social care organisation to being part of team looking at undressing disability.

Next week i have a few emails to send, and to sor a few things out so I can manage a better balance.

Things that will help me

• Finding a PA to support me to volunteer
• Attending the pain management assessment and being honest in it
• *Accessing some talking therapy again
• Do some more sewing
• Have some times away in the summer camping with LM
• Have a road trip with one of my best friends

*I will have to go private for the therapy but think I need a talking space again.

Fibro impacts my life in every way, and can make the depression worse..however how I handle it is the difference between landing in a very very bad place and unravelling or stopping & heeding the red flags..

Ringing in my ears...Tinatus & Fibromyalgia

A little known symptom of Fibromyalgia is Tinatus (ringing in your ears) Ive had tinatus for close to 20 years from mild backlground noise to distracting and in my face!

So why am I calling it a symptom if I already had it, simply because its got worse and more persistent since I got Fibro. In my experience Fibro amplifies other pre-exisisting conditions if you have any. 

We know that as a suspected Auto-Immune system that I wrote about Lets look for a cure  it stands to reason that anything you had before will be exacerbated by fibro because of the way it distorts signals to the brain instead of interupting them, they turn the volume up if you like. So what was mild before over time becomes louder and louder.

NHS choices - symptoms Fibromyalgia

Tinatus - Symptoms

Im typing today with the high pitch squeal in both my ears this morning that is distracting to say the least, I have the TV on the same settings as ever - but today its isn't sending the Tinatus to the background. I manage usually with enough day to day noise I can "ignore" it.

Tinatus is a little understood or recognised condition. Imagine never ever ever being able to lie down in silence, lying in the sunshine, looking at the clouds, miles from anywhere and relaxing in the silence..wow Id love that except for me the ever present high pitched squeal kicks in.

I have learned to ignore it and never went to the docs thinking nothing can be done and no point in bothering, self management is often only thing you can do. I always have background noise on the radio very often,  mostly Radio 4 simply because I find talking radio allows my brain to tune in - where the unpredictability of music stations where high pitched songs can trigger a sensation so painful I have to turn it off.

What can help?

Medication CDs etc at bed time - when its really bad and i cant switch my brain off because of the noise - a talking mediation CD, or sound of the rain in my case can help tune my brain into the noise and i drift off.

Not focusing on it - when its mild and im not having an attack - yes titnuatus can and does ebb and flow having background noise on again helps to calm it down. When its bad like today I just try and get through it as best I can.

Got any tips? 
please leave comments or pop me a message if you ahve any good ideas for coping or reducing it because its an abolute swine  

Most of all dont ignore it and if it persisits for more than a few days go see your doctor

Treating symptoms wont find a cure:: Fibromyalgia, M.E, Chronic Fatigue Awreness Day

Its international Fibromyalgia, ME, Chronic Fatigue awareness day today.

I have a primary diagnosis of fibromyaglia as many of you will know who read my blog, I also suspect I have M.E, as I fall somewhere between the two descriptions. It doesn't really matter as the list of symptoms I deal with daily are quite bad enough, thank you! I'm going to list them, not because I particularly enjoy having to take note of it all. But because I want to ask a question.

My symptoms
Which despite what the books say, have got progressively worse of the last 3 years - I am ever hopeful that this is as bad as it gets.

Neurological Symptoms

• muscle spasms:
• rippling
• twitching
• stinging/burning electric shock
• can only describe as fizzing
•  wobbly - poor balance
• Numbness in all 4 limbs
• Tingling in all 4 limbs
• clumsy hands (drop things lots) 
• Impaired distance judgement - trip on steps etc

Over sensitivity to:

• Sound - high pitched, loud or even whistling hurts (hands over ears hurt)
• Visual stimulation - my weird eye thing, visual disturbances
• Touch - even lightest of touches can have me squirming - it hurts

Cognitive impairment

• Poor short term memory
• Easily confused on phone (those press 1 for help type things)
• Cannot remember phone messages
• cannot manage large complex forms etc
• Lose words, easily lose words in mid sentence
• Sometimes cannot think how to write (mental block) 

Other weirdness

• Restless leg 
• Insomnia
• None restoiritve sleep (dont get enough REM sleep so wake up knackered)
• Tinitus
• IBS
• Depression (what a shocker not)
• sore throat that never turns into anything

I get the above symptoms to one degree or another, often in short bursts on a regular basis. The tingling can last for 5 minutes then go away. the more tired I become, particularly in the evenings,the more severe they get.

Pain & Fatigue
Many folks think it's just a bit tiring having this, or you get sore. as that's the most common descriptions. Pain and Fatigue are a massive factor in my life, but i wanted you to read the other symptoms first. Lets clear up this myth about fatigue:

I am not always tired - YES that's right, im not. What I expereince is:

Post exertion fatigue that's not commensurate with level of activity.

Uhhh you might be thinking - what that means is I tire very very easily - I have poor stamina so while i can appear fine one day and on top form, if i was to try and do the same day in day out for a couple of weeks or even months i would relapse and badly.

Basically its a lack of stamina, a bit like a battery that doseent full charge. I can and do push it sometimes and there are periods of the year where i have more stamina that at others most notably the summer months.

The more i add in to my day or week the quicker i drain the battery.

Pain - the pain is there and a bit like the fatigue its goes from okish to - I cant bear it please make it stop. I have a high pain threshold and I do think to a certain degree you get used to it and it kind of goes in to the back ground and only when you focus on it does it have a shout.

I take pain killers that for me keep the worst of the pain at bay - It does not haowever do anything for the neuropathic and neurological symptoms. 

So finally my question.

If you read the first list - ignoring the pain and fatigue elements first would you be worried?

would you want to find a cure or hope the medical profession might be looking very hard for a cause of all that?

Yeah I would too but you see with an "invisible illness" like mine the medical establishment the ones with power and influence have decided NOT to put all their effort into finding a cure - not what they put their effort into is

treating the symptoms with

GET (graded exercise therapy)
GAT (graded activity therapy)
CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)
Anti depressants
Pain killers.
Pshysiotherapy

**Most commonly this is offered as an 8 week Pain Management Course.

In other words they are treating the symptoms and not looking for the cause and only treating one aspect of the symptoms at that. This is because  the esteemed wisdom by the doctors primarily lead by Psychiatrists is that all the above stem from a psychological illness - in other words I just believe im ill. and all the physical symptoms are because I believe it to be true.

There is a huge battle going on - to say that there is no evidence to counter these claims is untrue there is a growing body of evidence to say it is a

Complex Auto Immune disorder Pain Pathways
Small fibre neuropathy - Research showing  nerve ending damage
 New Research:  Wired and tired muscles
Update importance of Mast Cells in FMS & M.E Interesting research

Update New researcg looking at Chronic Fatigue/M.E Looking for Biomarkers/Pathoogy

Basically evidence is beginning to point that is an auto-immune disorder that causes the central nervous system to misfire. Not a psychological disorder.

I am not saying at all that,

moving around and and keeping muscle tone is a good thing, or that access to talking therapies isnt needed, because believe me it is. This is a tough illness to live with, with no outward signs except to people who know me well and can spot when I'm "dropping" the term often used for sudden onset of fatigue, triggers any of the above is happening.

But today of all days its time to follow the ball not not the man as they say - focusing on just the pain and the fatigue is missing all the other things. There is no test for it - and thats the problem because  many in the medical world have fallen into the mistaken belief that with no "physical" test it must have its origin in a psychological disorder.

I am ever hopeful that with the growing body of evidence the breakthrough may come and the idea of only treating the symptoms when you have no idea what so ever of what is causing them in the first place is dangerous science.

 I have no problem with the idea of symptom management - based on common sense.
Pacing is important, not pushing past limits, support for depression, a chance to talk - being supported to understand the link between emotional health and impact in physical health.

BUT

would you make someone with a broken leg do star jumps? no because that would be stupid.
So is devising exercise programmes that push people beyond their limits

would you make someone who gets wobbly in their feet and needs a stick for balance get rid of th stick because they just believe they need it? no because that's stupid 
so is pressurising people into pushing past their limits and relapsing

Would you dismiss all the cognitive, neuropathic symptomss and just focus on 1 aspect of an illness?

would you tell someone to push a bit harder and be positive cause well its only a bit tired and we all get tired?

Today is Fibromyalgia and M.E, chronic fatigue awareness day - I'm always aware of it and while I try extremely hard to be positive and get on with living my life as best i can. I appreciate for the people i love and who love me this is not easy, knowing that I have various things to help me get out and about like  my wheelchair is not easy. trying to understand when I appear ok and can do lots then don't appear for a while is not easy.

I still have the hope that one day I will:

• Be able to work and earn money again in some capacity 
• Be well enough to not need a wheelchair to be able to go out for the whole day and not relapse
• That i will have found a good balance and manage to pace sufficiently to maintain a consistent level of activity (bearing in mind what my definition of that is and yours may be different)

and if I Don't manage to get back to paid employment - thats ok too because my value as a human being in not about how much money i earn, its about how i act and how much i contribute as a:
Wife
Sister
Mother
Daughter
Friend
Member of society
Volunteer

No one ever lay on thier death bed and said I wish Id earned more money they are more likely to say I wish id picked more daisies.

But biggest hope is:

That the researchers find the cause and from there find an effective cure. 

If you are worried you have Fibromyalgia or M.E

Make a list of all the symptoms you experience, how often and severity then go see your doctor.
tell them your symptoms not that you think its fibro. if they dismiss you see another Doctor. Don't give up.

Get some support and information here are some links:

 Fibroaction
Fibromyalgia UK
M.E Association
Online M.E/Chronic fatiugue Support Forum
Facebook look uk UK Fibro

Last but not least - i hear you, I believe you and if you need some support just leave me a message.

This blog is written with thanks to all the people who do beleive me, care about me and support me, even when I doubt myself.

Thank you - you know who you all are x

Are we really Undateable? #BADD13

This isn't the blog i intended to write today for the annual Blogging Against Disablism Day BADD13 I was umming and ahhhing about what to wirte - I wanted to focus on why disabled people are "locked out of society"

Still undecided, I was sent a link to some feedback about a blog - When Lovers and carers Collide I'd written a few months ago about - and when your lover is your carer. Ther lady who read it had felt very alone and reading my pepeice helped her. So here I am once again, exploring sexual identify. 

"Locked Out"

Looking at sexual attitudes is interesting, simply doing a bit of research - well googling stuff I found that the most common news article that came up when you type in the words Sex + Disability  gave me headlines that generally focused on the "undateability" of someone, or them needing to pay for sex!

shock horror hookers used in care home...the Sun

New Low Channel4 controversial - Mothers pays for escort to have sex with disabled son anged 26  Dail Mail

but then has a remarkably balanced piece written by a young disabled woman

Can disabled people enjoy sex when your severely disabled YES - Daily mail

Are Disabled people really undateable? Guardian

You could be fooled into thinking that disabled people never get laid, cant find a partner or are so ugly and "crippled" they can't be sexually fulfilled anyway, are all virgins..and if they arnt then either they got lucky, are rich or were already in a relationship or have paid for it..

Picture of fishnet stocking clad legs,

Having read many of the comments below the articles - people seemed to either think disabled people have such a tough life we ought to allow them a little bit of happiness and if they have to pay for sex, well thats ok, Or say two consneting adults its no ones business. But the assumption was still firmly entrenched that disabled people are NOT dateable in a conventioanl way.

Sex and disability has often been seen as a bit of a tabbo at worst and not even considered at best. The concept of physically disabled people having sex is one thing, but ask the same question about two consenting adults with learning disabilities and I suspect the answer will be different. Why?

In part its because many people associate people with Learning Disabilities with a "child like" innocence and that is often extended into adulthood. To deny that people with some impairments have no sexual feeling or indentify is not for thier benefit but for the people making the assumption. As a parent I firmly believe that all children should have age appropriate information - Im not talking about sexualising children, Im talking about supporting our young people to understand what is and sint appropriate sexual behaviour, and how to feel confident in their own bodies.

Many people find talking about sex to be extremely difficult its can become a taboo subject meaning that young disabled adults are not given age appropriate education, supported to feel body confident and we wonder why the idea that turning to prostitution is the only way to fulfil any kind of sexual urge.

Many people feel incredibly excluded, demoralised and alone thinking they are the only ones who are struggling with their sexual identity.

I feel very strongly that this is inherently linked to our body image, confidence, acceptance and a sense of self that is so often stigmatised and belittled. How many of us want to be been as news paper headline fodder, or a mockumentary star that sensationalises sex, or even pities it.

I blogged recently for the excellent Enahnce The UK - who have a campaign called undressing disability. There is a slow but steady sea change where its important the more visible and "normalised" something becomes the less sensational it is.

Finding decent information, fact sheets, toys, ideas or tips is tricky as you have to navigate your way though shock horror headlines..No one ever pointed me towards good information - all too often its not considered.

Impairments, tastes, sexuality, experiences differ but what we all have in common is a need to find sexual relief in the way that suits us best..some charities think basic care needs are more important but i would argue that the art of getting laid is about confidence - if we actually started to invest in disabled people, where confidence, independence and personal expression where given equal status to care needs we might actually start getting somewhere.

Confident,  body positive people invariably attract people - take Mik Scarlett for instance Sex are we really so different he is not only cool but his wife is so hot even I as a heterosexual woman appreciate her hotness..how did he attract her..his personality, his charisma his confidence and maybe as she said - im sure i read it his bare faced cheek..what ever it was that lit the spark it certainly wasn't because he was sat apologising for his very existence.

I was already ill when i met my lovely LM - if he had met me a year before when I had just come out of a relationship im not sure we would have hit it off not because of my illness but because I wasn't confident, didn't feel sexy and wasn't ready...

its very rarely to do with impairment if it was then many profoundly disabled people would not have partners..thats what disablism is for me - its being "locked out" and not supported to be confident, to aspire and to not feel like we should apologise for ourselves.

Good information is one thing but lets get naked, undress it and not accept that the only kind of sexuality we can explore is one we have to pay for.


sources of help, support and good sex toys..

http://spokzpeople.org.uk/resources.asp

Undressing disability - Enhance the UK

Mick Scarlett - Enhance your sex life

sex toys..if its good enough for 50 shades of grey its good enough for us