I'm often surprised that the notion of sex is still a subject we talk about in whispers, its better than it was when i was growing up, but given some of the comments made on twitter a couple of weeks ago when the This Morning programme looked at sex for the over 70's we haven't moved that far sadly..sex still seems to be the territory for the slim young things able to partake in the most energetic of sexploits. We can think taboos have been broken. Have they?
How do you think people would react if the same programme did a piece with two disabled people dressed in PJ's on a bed showing the top 5 sex positions?
Talk about disabled people having sex and suddenly we are in a whole different ball game, the very idea that all of us even the most profoundly disabled, have sexual desire and are able to be aroused is almost no go territory. I'm not as well versed nor able to write as eloquently as other people about this, although i would love to.
I have always believed good quality non judgemental information is a must for everyone who wants it. That doest wax lyrical about a loving relationship but actually discusses the how not the just the what. I can only talk from my perspective - getting sick in your adult life takes some getting used to. the kind of sex i had before i was ill, is different to how i have it now.
I looked all over the Internet for advice, i even bought a book, to be honest it was rubbish it didn't tell me anything other than be open, talk and laugh together. gee thanks! !!
I have been intending to write this blog for weeks, in particular in the light of the Channel 4 series UnDateables. It raised many observations for me and questions
Dating or being in a relationship is hard enough but how to do it when you are no longer "fit"?
How to balance having a healthy sexual relationship and be cared for?
What is the best position?
How do you manage to have a fun sex life when you feel:
A: like shit most of the time
B: Have lost your confidence
C: Like no one will ever fancy you again
D: depressed, fed up, angry, ugly, unattractive (delete or tick the ones that apply)
I'm not sure i have the answers myself but I'm at least willing to blog about it, I will write in more detail and take each of the questions in turn. However as my mum might read this and my poor LM will die of embarrassment heck my best friends read this I wont be giving you a blow by blow account of my sexploits sorry sex might sell but I want to inform not write porn..(well not in this blog anyway)
To be blunt there is very little decent information out there about the practicalities, what sex toys are good when your hands don't work very well, position of the week or how to find sexy underwear when you cant pull your own knickers up.
Sex starts with you, our minds are the biggest and best sex organs we have. If you don't feel sexy and desirable then how on earth can you hope anyone else does. I can almost hear you saying but that's easy to say hard to do. Of course it is.
Fact I'm over weight, short, grey, I have hairy legs and a bush that birds could nest in (I not safe with a fruit knife so razor near my vagina is not an option) I have stretch marks on top of stretch marks, I'm chronically sick, often too knackered to even think about it and i have a hip prone to giving out at the point of shouting hell yes...so quite frankly I'm not exactly the in the Samantha Brick School of Beauty..
However I like sex, hell i adore sex..on my own or with LM its great - post coital endorphins are wonderful (even if an hour later i feel like crap my body doesn't distinguish between good adrenalin and bad)
So how did i manage to get myself LM when i was poor, fat, almost 40, single parent and sick - im not sure other than I was Me - funny, sweet, nice, flirty (lost on him) in others words he fell for me..I didn't sit there bemoaning my fate I met him with honestly and a kick ass cleavage.
I cant do this topic justice today in one blog - but i will over the next few weeks attempt to write about having a sex life and even if your single how to think about dating if you want or at least how to find a good sex toy if you have never bought or used one before.
I am willing to go where others may not have been brave or foolhardy enough to go before...look away now mum :)